What I've Learned, by Megan M.

* Just when you think that the pain in the ass ants who have camped out in your kitchen can't get anywhere else, you may find them in your silverware drawer.

* If you bang on your computer's mouse six ways to Sunday it will still jump, skip and not roll where you tell it to.

* When you finally decide that you have had enough of aforementioned computer mouse's misbehavings and you are going to take matters into your own hands and take the damn thing apart to clean it out, you should definitely, definitely pay attention to exactly how it comes apart, and more importantly, how it should then go back together.

* Even though you have only had a computer mouse for 6 months, that is no reason that there can't be an insane amount of fuzz and junk inhibiting the little roller ball, which once cleaned out will make your mouse perform at an exceptional level, if you can get it put back together.

* When you finally attempt to really clean your toilet and find that a steel wool pad is necessary, it's probably been too long since the last super thorough cleaning.

* Gas prices will rise in direct proportion to how fast your 4 cylinder, billion miles to the gallon vehicle will fall apart.

* Despite all previous evidence to the contrary, David can be awakened at 2:30 am and move like lightning when presented with a 4 year old in the process of throwing up beside (and on) his bed.

* Little children who are calm, nonchalant even, about the act of throwing up and can look at you and simply say 'I'm done' when they, in fact, are done, are a glorious gift, at 2:30 in the morning.

* Greased Lightning will peel several layers off of whatever it's sprayed on: grime on the shower, paint on the stove hood, skin on your hands.

* One wee little baby who was known far and wide for her spitting up skills will move right past that and replace it with her excellent sitting up skills in the blink of an eye.

* Babies love to chew on remotes.

* Babies love to pull hair, rather hard, and laugh maniacally about it.

* Babies who love to chew on remotes and pull hair may not have any sign of teeth coming in.

* Marry a man who makes you laugh and you will be rewarded on a daily basis as he produces gut busting words, phrases or observations.

* Lots of rain + no RoundUp = cars getting lost in the weeds and grass invading their designated parking area.

* Fresh new highlights will do wonders for a girl and all of those that she touches with her new radiant glow.

* Buying used books is good for all involved, especially when you buy them for someone else.

* Hearing from three friends about an engagement and two pregnancies all in two days will elevate your mood dramatically.

* Marking multiple things off your To Do List = You Deserve A Nap